mie public critique ing excerpt

8/9/2019 MIE Public Critique Ing Excerpt

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ACT 2 RANGE 4

Shots renew their assualt becoming more frequent and louderI am totally panic driven racing across this desert floor

Shots sound overhead causing me to tuck my head deeper into my already stuffed chestI drive even harder encouraged by TMMMMAKKKT ! TWWSTTKKK ! BBRRRRAAPPPP

BBBBRAAAPPPTTTT !

Halfway up mountain shots become less frequent further away and then one

bbbbbbbrrrrrraaassssssszzzzzzztttttttttkkkkkk ! then silence !

I am toast remaining fixed in position awaiting fatal shotWhen silence weighs me down I drop like a sifting cloud into a lump falling as if shot

I look up as I pass out need to get to place soonSCENE

Remaining here I was mentally taxed and a physically drained figment of human mention

Fear panicked me awake I labored into running before fully awake even before my dry eye lids openedI savagely tore up the mountian like a ravenous beast after some wounded carrion on the hoof

Weakened and exhuasted overly tested I stopped on the peak and sat moments passedI struggled to my feet

MD legs dont seem to be in a cooperative mood uh its really too late to be touring

I better ....SCENE

I he passed out right were I slopped down

when I harshly awaken I fall over roll to get up falling again even my arms give little help

several minutes pass many attempts to just get in position finally I pull myself together in manner of

new born fawn scrape across 93.7 yard peak and start down

one step I slid (mainly to reassure myself I could walk)

On the bottom I guess my idea of running was a feeble fishy flopping wubble swubble

ankles buckled in so the protruding bones scraped the ground a most pathetic sight

except of course an honorary attempt most appreciated and accepted by a walrus

I pushed on being harshly warned from within of my condition tear ducts were dried up even more

their condition made it extremely difficult to open and close my lids

even minimum required eye movements were becoming more and more painful

MD so painful now eyes constantly burning feels like I got dust or sand in them


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ACT 2 RANGE 4

eyes wont work right need to get the water flowingSCENE

I could no longer piss all saliva was gone my mouth was beginning to freeze any limited movment of

my tongue became wasted effort

can breathe easier feel dizzy even when still need keep think something about

SCENEair conditioning began to falter I felt cold when deep in the shadow hour not even enough energy to

shiver

I endured heat couldnt sweat to keep coolclosest resemblance to one called michael was replaced by an emaciated animated skeleton encased in

a rich golden dark reddish bronzy looking brown covering (atomically fused) clinging to it in fear as

we joyfully bounced across the desert in search of new adventures

mou tnzz in a harsh raspy low broken tone

by days end I was still on the floor and almost non attentive to darkness appearing like a silent sneaky blind greedy hungry vapor it soon alerted me this is no place for me

need pass gorgeI continue to push hard struggling to breach gorge as soon as possible

I succeed in traversing gorge in one day an awesome feat considering my position the gorge did not

make it any easier it showed absolutely no sympathy its as if it toyed with my senses

tunneling winds howled through the distant canyons like ghostly wolf

calls aaaawwrrrroooooolfffff aaaaarrooolllllfff !

it caused me to race ahead even faster when I increased my pace it would push harder against me

slowing my advance

when I managed to settle into a comfortable rthym a cold blast slammed into me almost toppling me

I refused to stop and then the stones and rocks took over making every step a stress inflicting torture

I refused to stop tormenting winds and slippery ground brought me down on one hand

no you will not stop me NO I will not fall ! forget it !

I howled back with all my might suddenly wind stopped

I recovered and took off again

this time no sound alerted an ugly frightening silence a second before I was struck I knew

I SAID NO !

An invsible and soundless move the most sickening puke injecting upper cut ever concieved torked

my head backward as I slung 4.73 feet off the ground in a most impressive arc


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ACT 2 RANGE 4

while spinning around I was slammed into the groundonly his hand and feet were down

with a hellish shriek the wind recoiled into the distant mountianmaybe I a bright flash a loud thunder deafening silence I look up

oh please nnnoooo smasha cloud dark enough to brighten up the shadow hour dead dropped

and I disappeared then the wind began a joyish sounding whirl it twisted swirled and leaped as it

uncovered me I was not down as winds angrily uncovered me

I was standing in a crouch one hand planted the other protecting my head and neck

slowly I rose I said noooooo !

with his terrible anger the sand swifted like a caged wild mustang assuming an indistinguishable form

screeching and shrieking as it charged into oblivion

I only navigated 200 hundred yards the assualt bull dogged me the base

I will make it

I strained everything became mechanical my only purpose was to reach some point in the distance

what ? go forward or more specifically in direction I now faced

this led me away from the range I needed to reach this also added more burdens to my already overly

taxed being I proceeded until I was stopped

he slipped down into a deep dangerous gorge fell down on a plateau some 42.9 feet below the desert

floor it was wide inaccessible and safer

impact knocked me out I remained here for 1 and one half days

awakening just before high noon with a violent jerk I almost end up at bottom of gorge

a dried forgotten rotten trunk breaks my fallneed to be more careful before moving I relax as I step down to a rock then climbs to desert floor

surveying the equally dehydrated tundra I begin my lonely journey toward distant mountain stillignoring the hunger and thirst I cross shallow gorge bed then climb again to the desert floor

need water so weak after travelling for nearly 2 more miles I stop then cups my hands to drinka serious and terrible error it would have been better to eat the dead twigs


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ACT 2 RANGE 4

only a few brief seconds then ! what have I done ? I needed wateras I gagged out the prophetic words

I was folded up muscles locking into multiple twisting knots choking me like a boa spasing

torquing chanting

if you cant breathe then you dreamed your last dream

clutch fragments of terror as you exit from your scream !

fear roared panic raced untethered through my system as vindictive coiling strengthend

THEN ! piss puked its acidic petrified wickedness

weaving twisting looping with vengence it whip lashed the fawn like tissue of my parched oesophagus

it welded its unholy vile presence into every open crevice like an insane virus gone rogue

horrid pungent odor ranged in my mouth ashed my shrinking throat

barbequed my stomach then flame broiled my nostrils with every unwilling exhalation

it blasted a deep furrow throughout my body when I held my vacuumed breathe

cursed its way out screaming as a 100 tons of runaway locomotive

it brazed a belly slide across my withering tongue like a 747 hitting the sun torched runaway with its

landing gear still unbirthed

for 6 days and one deep morbid shadow hour the mungy hatefulness toyed mercilessly with my stiflinghumbled insides AND ! with hellish fervor basked its own denzinic delight

human was the shell fed pulses of control to keep it alive

spit spit stupid fuckin ass you idiot mother fucker you damn wart suffer what the hell is

your mind for you fuck up god all fuckin mighty lawd swinging jesus you damn fuck !

after the 7thday I was almost free at severe cost any and all reserve energy I held before this experiment

was now wasted

to be continued

Feel free to comment on this as I need some critiqueingThese pages are excerpts from my movie script

I continued to make it better to this point it is now getting butcheredSo I figured better not touch it again for any reason

Thanks for your time and help

mie public critique ing excerpt

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